The Monroe Street Journal

Issue date: 11/18/02 Section: Sections

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The Deuce had a couple of big wins this week, starting with the A.T. Kearney Case competition. After mixing in a few discussions about the case with several viewings of Das Boot, The Hunt for Red October, and U-571, the Blue Submarines earned a trip to New York to compete in the "World Finals." We don't know if it was Drew's cocky presentation style, Casey and Pat's precise periscope acumen, or Rodney's insistence that Infinity Bank be moved to Pittsburgh, but we're damn proud of our boys. One of the Subbies who really enjoyed himself was Jed Taylor, celebrating their victory by turning on Kraftwerk's "Tour De France" and pulling out his 10x10 sheet of linoleum and Adidas. DJ Jed then proceeded to do two backspins, some pops, locks, and an electric boogaloo, before firing off a headspin that Alfonso Ribeiro would be proud of. Upon finishing with a magnificent caterpillar, Jed pointed to his heart and announced: "That was for Jam Master Jay." He then left with his boom box to help his wife have a beautiful baby girl. Congratulations to Jed and his wife.

Section Two was out in full force for astro-cosmic-neon night bowling at Colonial Lanes. Professors Lafontaine and Oxley lit up the night with a classic 10-frame bowling battle that made The Hundred Years' War look like a tea party. As the battle ensued, the crepe-master demonstrated amazing learning economies as she went from trying to bowl with the wrong two fingers – also called the Montreal Handshake - to scoring a 116 (twice Rodney's average). Professor 'U.K.' Oxley defended her bowling knighthood bloody brilliantly, and she demonstrated why she was a "More Better" bowler than anyone on the Isles. The professors carpooled together to the event, and after bowling intensely on the Colonial Lanes battlefield, we only hope there wasn't a brawl in the parking lot.

In the final hours of the bowling blow-out, a testosterone-infused tête-à-tête took place between seven men of the Deuce and "Crocodile" Neal Arthur. The game started tensely, as Professor Arthur looked at Jason Brewer's 5-pound bowling ball and said: "A bowling ball? That's not a bowling ball mate. (Pulling out a 42 pound ball) Now this is a bowling ball!" An intriguing subplot was The Battle of Rob, where Mirman and Moore dueled to the finish to determine who deserved the magnificent right to the name of "Rob." The game also featured twists, turns, and answers to the questions: "Can Rodney break 100?", "Is bowling a national sport in Australia?", "Does Brad sneak out of the Wood and secretly practice his game every night?", and "How bad a bowler would Dolenga be if he drank Bud instead of Bartles and James?"

Speaking of the JYD, what in the hell happened to our section leader's nose? It was big enough already, but the weekend after midterms made it visibly larger. In the first game of his short-lived rugby career, "Bartles and Dolenga" took a teammate's head right to the schnoz, resulting in a gusher that Saudi Arabia would be proud of. As the triage team of Erick Trombley, Andre Taylor (via satellite), and several Canadian doctors worked on stopping the bleeding, Jason was looking for the Hemopure, as he yelled "I'm not your dog, so get that Oxyglobin away from me!!" After sustaining a pulled hamstring and a broken nose, Dolenga is looking to assume his proper role as an old guy sitting on the couch and watching Joey Harrington for the rest of the academic year.

Xudong "Jerry" Zhang is a bit disappointed about the temperature change in E0540. Seems like the Hawaiian luaus and all of the rapping of "It's Getting Hot in Herre" sparked a response from Assistant Dean "Sweet" Gene Anderson, who got the heating system fixed and donned a chef's hat to pass out ice cream to the Deucers. Thanks again to Drew and T-Biggity for affecting the type of change that will help us move up in the B-Week rankings. For all the other students who have classes in E0540, we will gladly take your "Thank Yous," but you can't have our Peace Pops.

Notes & Things You Don't Want To Know…

Spam the B-School!
Testing, testing, your attention please: Patrick Chu lost his propeller pencil in E0405 yesterday. He thought he had it in his backpack along with his 3-hole punch and sextant, but now he can't seem to locate it. He will be spamming the school for the third time this week if he doesn't find it, so please let him know if you come across it. The pencil itself has no sentimental value and only costs $1.25, but nevertheless, Patrick really would like it back…

A Special Message from our Section II Boxing Chair…
Gabriel S.F.V: "I have lots of requests to put together a woman's boxing championship for the Deuce. To clear things up on the women's side of the Sweet Science, the 6 top Deuce women boxers will face off. Good luck lay-dies:"

• Andrea "La Mariachi" Acuña vs. Romaine "Dancing in the" Sheets
• "Loud" Claudia Scavroni vs. Marcia "Where's My Beer" Meyerowitz
• Calista "Eyes Wide Shut" Smith vs. Tara "The Brick" Backhaus
• Due to their experience in ladies mud wrestling, Jack "The Cleveland Steamer" Nestor & Jordan "Donkey Kong" Harris will be serving as the honorary referees, and Sean "Hang Seng" Cheng will provide commentary.

And of course, the INTERNATIONAL PARTY!
It started as an innocent enough evening on a crisp November night. The International Deucers brought their families and unbelievable foods and beverages to share their culture with the entire section. As usual, Mari and Kristi had opened up their home to host the event in what was expected to be a quiet, low-key evening for the Deuce.

After quiet conversation, excellent eating, and an autograph signing by Naresh and Hong, many of the Deucers headed home around 10pm to digest their food and put their little ones to bed. However, trouble was brewing, as two kegs, nearly full, sat tapped and unattended on the porch. Rodney, Pat, Tej, and Brad stood around one of the full barrels:

Rodney: Damn, two full kegs after a party. Now you wouldn't see that in Pittsburgh.
Pat: Man, you wouldn't even see two kegs in South Bend!
Brad: Dude, let's do keg stands and try to finish them.
Tej: Like, now? There are only 15 people here. Are you serious?
Brad: Yes.
Tej: Okay…

With simple male banter, some unnecessary name calling, and peer pressure, the quiet night turned into a full-scale raging party that a select few of the Deuce will not soon forget. A quick list of the highlights:

• Marc, in a very South African-Neal Diamondish sort of way, playing the guitar for the section
• Alexis dominating the field (and letting everyone know about it) with a 26-second keg stand
• Mirman elbowing Jerry in the face and breaking his only pair of glasses in half
• Jerry losing it and beating the living hell out of Mirman
• Tej teaching everyone how to play the cup flip drinking game: "Dude, pour beer on the table, the cup will stick mo' bettah!"
• Hanna walking. Hanna dancing. Hanna talking. Hanna sleeping – Good night Hanna!
• Rodney "breaking" the downstairs toilet and Brad "fixing" it with a plunger
• Frankie and Alexis doing the salsa with the lucky ladies of the Deuce…all to the luscious beats and rhymes of Eminem
• Sharada pushing back the peer pressure she thought she left behind in high school and smartly hiding to avoid the feared keg stand
• Deepak stealing the 'Best Dressed' Award for the night from Jason Gray, and both of them still doing keg stands in their Armani threads
• Rodney and Gabriel having a heart-to-heart on the couch: "I love you man." "No, my amigo, I love you."
• Pat performing the fabled "French-Irish Kiss" on the window
• Pat and Rodney devising a plan to dog pile a very ill Kristi on her bed (As Pat said: The Irish think that sort of thing is funny. Go Irish!")
• Hostess Mari, "rumored" to have taken a 2-hour nap during her own party, coming back downstairs to dominate the keg and defend her self-proclaimed title of the 'Coolest Girl in Section Two'
• Sridhar, in his usual cool manner, putting up with Pat, Jordan and Brad, who after a 5th of Cap Morgan's and an untold number of keg stands, were not afraid to be "close talkers"

At 3:30a.m., the party finally slowed down, right before Kristi awoke from her Nyquil coma and brought down her Gatt to clear everyone out of her house. Stay tuned for the Sri, Jerry, and Naresh's Deuce International Potluck next semester! If you stay long enough, you too might get to do a keg stand…

Separated at Birth
New to the Section News! You've wondered about it in class, and we're finally going to show you some of the famous twins your section mates are related to. This week's separated at Birth:

Frank Gutierrez and Fez (from 'That 70's Show')!
Section News (SN): Frank, Fez, thanks for joining us.
Fez: Sure. Is this going to take long?
Frank: Oh no, no, no! Fez, please do not be rude to my section mates. Es not nice.
SN: That's okay Frank. Fez is a big star on Fox. What do you and Frank share in common?
Fez: Uh, I guess we're both Latino?
Frank: Oh, no, no, no! We like to dance, Fez. No! We love to dance!
Fez: Whatever.
SN: Last question, what do you admire most about your twin?
Frank: Fez's hair. No question. And his inner strength. And his devotion to physical to his craft. And also his style…
Fez: I like my hair too.
SN: Thanks guys!
Frank: No, thank you! Hello Section 2! See you in class! Heee. Heee. Heee!!!

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