BBAs vs. MBAs: BBAs Clearly Superior to MBAs
T.C. left in ditch, Forster safely escapes
David Starr and Jared Miller, BBA2s dmstarr@umich.edu; jaredem@umich.edu
Issue date: 9/29/03 Section: Student Life
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Last Saturday, at 9:30pm in Miller's house, both teams assembled and readied for combat. The competition rules and guidelines were formatted before the match. Beer pong is an endurance drinking competition with no real losers-winners walk away with pride and losers get totally tanked. Each end of the table contains a flat pyramid of ten cups. Players then fill the cups with beer (in this case three cans per side). In beer pong-also known as Beirut-each team throws two ping pong balls at the other team's cups. If a shot is made, then the other team must drink the cup and remove it from the table. If two consecutive shots are made, the throwing team gets another turn. In addition, if a team makes two consecutive shots in the same cup (house rules), then the receiving team must drink three cups and the throwing team gets another turn. Using these regulations, our competition began.
Although the BBAs had home field advantage, the MBAs showed up with a mix of geeky fans and bored MBA girls. Together with drinking official tournament beer, these vultures would not shut up. The harsh conditions rattled the BBAs early, but they were able to recover.
The cast of characters for our match included MBA2s, Brian Forster and T.C. Cheng. While Forster began drinking spiked amniotic fluid in the womb, T.C. is engaged and therefore a drinking amateur. Though this was T.C.'s "first time," Forster brought much experience and an unorthodox style to the table. In an unprecedented manner, Forster threw most balls with an underhand, granny chuck. On the BBA side, Starr and Miller drink with the best of them. Also, they play beer pong approximately four times a week against professional competition, providing a significant advantage.
In a surprise upset, the MBAs came back to take the first game by one cup. This shock and awe campaign left the BBAs startled. In game two, the two yutes fought back and marginally won. Preparing for the long haul, the BBAs tactically allowed the MBAs to win another close match. While the MBAs won these few battles, they did not have the necessary artillery to win the war. In a blitzkrieg, Starr and Miller almost had a perfect fourth game. Absorbing two triple cup assaults, the MBAs could only muster one cup from the BBA side. Brimming with confidence, the BBAs easily won the fifth game and took the lead 3-2.
After this victory the MBAs threw in the towel and requested a 15 minute armistice. In this time, Starr and Miller talked up their victory and watched T.C. struggle to stand. Unfazed, Forster laughed off defeat and ridiculed his barely conscious partner. Sobering up, Starr and Miller negotiated a sixth game. Continuing their domination, the BBAs placed the nail in the coffin and only two cups were hit on their side.
The most entertaining aspect of the night was T.C. Despite his apparent drinking stomach, he has the tolerance of a 90 lbs freshman sorority girl. Wasted after the third game, T.C. exhibited strange behavior. Before each of his shots he screamed "QUIET!" Additionally, he taunted the BBA competition. His failed tactics included showing his stomach and making unintelligible noises. As the night winded down, his balance, speech and cognition deteriorated. Ironically, his shots were more accurate during this drunken stupor.
While watching T.C. fall on the floor and hug the water cooler, Starr and Miller decided to play a one-on-one competition. Although the BBAs helped the MBAs finish their beer, the BBA team theoretically drank 18 beers throughout the evening and remained standing. This cannot be said for team MBA who finished 16 beers in total and left only one member standing. Therefore, the BBAs proved their superiority in both drinking and the US News Business School Rankings.
If any MBAs think they can fare better, feel free to contact Starr or Miller at dmstarr@umich.edu or jaredem@umich.edu. We look forward to future BBA victories, both on and off the beer pong table.
