New club gives new meaning to "growth strategies
Brandt Urban, MBA 2
Issue date: 3/13/06 Section: Features
- Page 1 of 1
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
|
The seeds were planted January 15, 2006 when Jake Plummer and his burly beard capitalized on New England's five turnovers to move to the next round in the NFL playoffs. Maybe it was the cold night, maybe it was Plummer's shagginess that inspired, or maybe it was the beer. But, regardless of what caused it, the idea hatched that night.
Nearly eight weeks later, the growth alone speaks for itself. A lifelong dream for some, the moustache contest has allowed several competitors to take advantage of their talent. MBA2 Aashish Dhamdhere, who is one of the organizers of the contest, said, "My mother claims I was born with a five o'clock shadow. Then when I started shaving at the age of four, I knew something big in the follicle department was in store for me." Fellow organizer and MBA2 Vamsi Botla added, "I knew facial hair growth was my 'core competence' on my eighth birthday. I was in fourth grade at the time, and while all of my buddies were getting remote controlled cars, my parents got me an electric shaver."
However, not all follicles are created equal. Indeed, beards are like betas-it's all about relative performance. To compensate for the difference in natural endowment, the RBRC created three weight classes. According to the organization's blog site they are:
• "Caveman: for those that could legitimately shave two times per day. Black hair also makes you a mandatory participant here;
• Average: for the average [MBA];
• Pre-pubescent: so you have no black hair and people don't know whether you shaved this morning or last month. This is your bracket."
After the competition began, MBA2 Jee Han helped establish a "Far East" category for certain competitors who may even have a tougher time sprouting stubble, bringing the total number of weight classes to four.
To help prepare for the grueling growth, some contestants have employed hair-growth maximizing techniques that have been endorsed by BAD, the British Association for Dermatologists, which specializes in researching both hair growth and loss.
MBA2 Matt McRitchie, an organizer of the contest, said, "My secret training methodology involves massaging my upper lip during class." However, McRitchie uses a unique double-fingered approach not "approved" by BAD and claims that the results are worth it. According to McRitchie, "The key is only using the thumb and index finger." MBA2 Jason Lettman, a founder and organizer of the competition, agrees. Lettman said, "I'm not sure facial hair growth is a talent of mine. But what I am sure of is that Matt McRitchie looks fantastic."
While the kind of supportive relationship Lettman and McRitchie share is touching, it appears that it can only take place between contestants in different weight classes-McRitchie is a Pre-pubescent entrant and Lettman is in the Average class. Yet another example of the power of mentorship.
However, reports of infighting within weight classes have been heard. Indeed, when asked about some of his competitors, Dhamdhere said, "[I'm targeting the] Caveman award baby, bring it! Vamsi Botla has been giving me the game face lately. But come on, his mustache hasn't had the benefit of luxuriating in the mustache friendly environs of the Indian subcontinent for the first 21 years of its existence. He has no chance."
However, Botla does have a few tricks up his sleeve. He explained, "I have been watching multiple episodes of Lost to pattern my hair growth after Naveen Andrews. I also apply curry powder daily to enhance my follicles." He added, "Aashish and my other Cavemen competitors know that … they are merely my disciples."
Not to be outdone in the preparation department, Dhamdhere described some of his growth strategies. He said, "I shampoo my whiskers with Garnier Fructis for that lemony bounce and then moisturize them with Kiehl's multi-purpose facial formula. I've also been avoiding Robert Jericho and his evil eye." Jericho was not available to comment on what his evil eye is or what it does to facial hair.
Lettman, on the other hand, has chosen to go the au natural route. He swears that the best growth supplement available is right here at Ross, in the dining area no less. He said, "My secret is straightforward and I swear by it… Shmeer 'stache three times per day with cafeteria parfaits." Lettman prefers the boysenberry parfait but warns that the citric acid content in it is higher than some of the others, so those with sensitive skin should only apply it once per day and supplement with two applications of Green Machine Super Food by Naked. "The spirulina extract really helps get extra bushiness, but also soothes the skin," said Lettman.
All of these efforts will be tested during "The Great Ross 'Stache Week", which begins Thursday, March 16 and concludes Thursday, March 23. A summary of the contest timeline is below:
• Contest kick-off: February 16-photos were taken of all clean shaven participants to document a starting point;
• Growth time: February 16 through March 16-participants can choose to grow 'stache only or beard-'stache combos;
• 'Stache week: March 16 through March 23-participants must arrive at happy hour with their moustaches and have one last week to grow as much as possible;
• 'Stache and award party: March 23-the winners for the various awards will be announced at 'Skeepers.
According to the executive committee of the RBRC, contestants are vying for the following 'stache awards:
• Best Overall
• Most Pathetic
• Creepiest
• Best Cop
• Most Artistic
However, members of the RBRC executive committee hinted that some impromptu awards may also be given, including ones for:
• "Man or Hairball?"
• "Yes, I Work at the Tilt-a-Whirl"
• "Parents, this Is an Emergency-Keep Your Children Indoors"
• "Best Looking 8 Hairs"
Other ground-floor members of the RBRC include MBA2s Air Aslani, Jake Braly, Mike Gaffney, Par Gandhi, Jason Godley, Jee Han, Ken LaRose, Raul Olivia, Billy Robins, and Dave Wurster. More information about the contest can be found at: http://rosstache.blogspot.com.
